Can't believe what Craig has gone through! His poor siblings, too, and my heart goes out to all of them. Thank God Craig has persevered! Blessings to all!
Carrie, that is some seriously good work. As someone who has known Craig since the 1980's I want to thank you for facing and being willing to write about the hard stuff. To the reader of this comment: please note that there are many sides to every story and multiple perspectives can all be right at the same time.
I am proud of Craig for tackling talking about mental illness both his own and his family’s. I am also a member of his family but on his wife’s side. I also have depression in my family which, had it not been taboo to talk about, I would have gotten help for SO much sooner. We are all human, not perfect, and pretending we don’t all have crap going on in our brains is “crazy”. Here’s to Craig - glad you’re in a better place and talking about it!! <3 Val
Words can not express how special Craig is for sharing his story. If one person can be helped from his story then he has done more than many can hope to do. Craig and his wife and children are truly special people.
Carrie, thank you for sharing Craig’s devastatingly tragic story of what seems to be a true account of his families struggle with mental illness . Kudos to anyone who sheds light on such a serious health issue in our culture.
As a lifelong friend of Steve Kay I feel the need to comment that I do not think that this article is as accurate as it may appear. It probably only reflects the opinions of Craig and his perception of his life. I have found in life that there are usually three sides to every story. The two sides of those In disagreement. And the truth. I will leave it at that.
Hard to explain , but I’m still living as the exiled family member . Every week or so I get a disturbing communication from an estranged family member looking to reap $$ for beating me up. It’s awful but I am so thankful that when the next true crisis does occur I know who NOT to ask for help.
God works in mysterious ways . He meant for me to survive and tell my story
So dolly at age 22 dolly was the wife of a successful builder. She was the mother of a new born and a feisty toddler in steve.
But dolly was only putting on a front . Wife, mother, socialite. But she lacked vital life skills to go through life as an adult .
She never graduated high school
She could not drive a car until mid 60s
She paid no attention to the dysfunctional/highly emotional issues that both Kay kids were going through. Instead she played favorites
Steve was the golden child
karen was the scapegoat
dolly was the narcissist
Marvin was the enabler/flying monkey
This established hierarchy was the stencil even well before I was born in 1967
steve - depression disorder. Steve being the first child of a child mother enabled him to run her ragged. He did anything he wanted which he got much praise from parents . steve was the golden child
Karen - paranoid schizophrenic/npd(undiagnosed) . Karen had a great deal of difficulty . She was painfully shy and was completely overwhelmed by socialite mother and all of Dolly’s friends who also had daughters and which promoted competition which karen would not have any part of. Dolly wanted a Princess to doll up . Karen fought back and wasn’t shy about any of it . She was the first truthteller of the family . But her presentation often discredit her and caused her inherited mental illnesses to reveal themselves
Craig - manic depression, ptsd. Was born in 67 which was 7 years younger than karen and 10 years younger than steve . Kay family members were all adults by the time craig left his room and wanted to find a role within the family
Marvin - 40 years older but a very attentive weekend warrior dad since he worked endless hours during the week
Dolly - used Craig as her dress up doll since karen balked . Dolly was so over the top that Craig locked himself in his room to avoid all the family pool party extravaganzas. Dolly never soothed Craig’s anxieties . She only exploited them. This caused the beginnings of his mental illnesses that would go completely unnoticed until he turned 49 and he had a nervous breakdown
Craig’s role was somewhat mixed. He served as parents flying monkey and a part time scapegoat when karen wasn’t around .
When Karen was banished from the family in 2011. Craig became the full time scapegoat
Ellen - Passive narcissist . Ellen was the catalyst for stirring the Kay family when steve starting dating her in 81-82. She’s beautiful, well educated, worldly and had that “it” quality which drew the masses to adore her. She could say diarrhea and people wouldn’t be disgusted because ellen said it in a much more pleasant manner
It doesn’t even matter the exact specifics. This is the dynamic of the Kay’s
She dominated the undominatable Steve
Dolly worshipped her because she was the true socialite extraordinaire
Craig - loved loved loved ellen . He had a not so secret crush. She loved the redskins , and she was the best skier in the family
karen - was the lone family member to id her as a huge problem . She outwardly hated ellen. Ellen worked behind the scenes to destroy her. This would be the recipe for all the Kay’s
Ron come on dude . When some person comes to you with a request for a nose job, facelift , Tummy tuck, liposuction. Has suffered bullying and depression all her life and wants to shed the old exterior self without addressing the interior self. There’s no way you would take her as a client
Amazing piece! Craig is one strong individual and you two have really shed some light on a topic not talked about enough! Stay strong Craig! This is inspiring to so many of us living in similar toxic families
So to further expand upon my undiagnosed mentally ill estranged family as if you all didn’t get enough yesterday
I was contacted by the editor of this fb group that did such an amazing job of capturing my unbelievable story. A story that when examined could have been dealt with properly with upfront , direct communication but unfortunately that ship has sailed .
This poor editor , Carrie Seidman, was attacked by members of my estranged family for publishing something that makes them look bad despite my assertions that it’s all true.
I would be quite ok with having to defend this in court . See the newly established caveat at the top of The page
The issue for my estranged loved ones is that by taking me to court that would open up a can of worms for them during discovery.
At the bottom of the bottom of existence, I finally learned some things . 1. Speak truth to power , 2. Don’t allow them to propagate at will. Call them out . They hate that. 3. Rinse and repeat
Give Carrie a big harumph for doing some seriously good work, I would be so ever grateful .
Carrie your article has put some serious wind in my sail foe the first time in a long time
Can't believe what Craig has gone through! His poor siblings, too, and my heart goes out to all of them. Thank God Craig has persevered! Blessings to all!
Carrie, that is some seriously good work. As someone who has known Craig since the 1980's I want to thank you for facing and being willing to write about the hard stuff. To the reader of this comment: please note that there are many sides to every story and multiple perspectives can all be right at the same time.
I am proud of Craig for tackling talking about mental illness both his own and his family’s. I am also a member of his family but on his wife’s side. I also have depression in my family which, had it not been taboo to talk about, I would have gotten help for SO much sooner. We are all human, not perfect, and pretending we don’t all have crap going on in our brains is “crazy”. Here’s to Craig - glad you’re in a better place and talking about it!! <3 Val
Words can not express how special Craig is for sharing his story. If one person can be helped from his story then he has done more than many can hope to do. Craig and his wife and children are truly special people.
Carrie, thank you for sharing Craig’s devastatingly tragic story of what seems to be a true account of his families struggle with mental illness . Kudos to anyone who sheds light on such a serious health issue in our culture.
As a lifelong friend of Steve Kay I feel the need to comment that I do not think that this article is as accurate as it may appear. It probably only reflects the opinions of Craig and his perception of his life. I have found in life that there are usually three sides to every story. The two sides of those In disagreement. And the truth. I will leave it at that.
Hard to explain , but I’m still living as the exiled family member . Every week or so I get a disturbing communication from an estranged family member looking to reap $$ for beating me up. It’s awful but I am so thankful that when the next true crisis does occur I know who NOT to ask for help.
God works in mysterious ways . He meant for me to survive and tell my story
2 years later Karen was born
So dolly at age 22 dolly was the wife of a successful builder. She was the mother of a new born and a feisty toddler in steve.
But dolly was only putting on a front . Wife, mother, socialite. But she lacked vital life skills to go through life as an adult .
She never graduated high school
She could not drive a car until mid 60s
She paid no attention to the dysfunctional/highly emotional issues that both Kay kids were going through. Instead she played favorites
Steve was the golden child
karen was the scapegoat
dolly was the narcissist
Marvin was the enabler/flying monkey
This established hierarchy was the stencil even well before I was born in 1967
steve - depression disorder. Steve being the first child of a child mother enabled him to run her ragged. He did anything he wanted which he got much praise from parents . steve was the golden child
Karen - paranoid schizophrenic/npd(undiagnosed) . Karen had a great deal of difficulty . She was painfully shy and was completely overwhelmed by socialite mother and all of Dolly’s friends who also had daughters and which promoted competition which karen would not have any part of. Dolly wanted a Princess to doll up . Karen fought back and wasn’t shy about any of it . She was the first truthteller of the family . But her presentation often discredit her and caused her inherited mental illnesses to reveal themselves
Craig - manic depression, ptsd. Was born in 67 which was 7 years younger than karen and 10 years younger than steve . Kay family members were all adults by the time craig left his room and wanted to find a role within the family
Marvin - 40 years older but a very attentive weekend warrior dad since he worked endless hours during the week
Dolly - used Craig as her dress up doll since karen balked . Dolly was so over the top that Craig locked himself in his room to avoid all the family pool party extravaganzas. Dolly never soothed Craig’s anxieties . She only exploited them. This caused the beginnings of his mental illnesses that would go completely unnoticed until he turned 49 and he had a nervous breakdown
Craig’s role was somewhat mixed. He served as parents flying monkey and a part time scapegoat when karen wasn’t around .
When Karen was banished from the family in 2011. Craig became the full time scapegoat
Ellen - Passive narcissist . Ellen was the catalyst for stirring the Kay family when steve starting dating her in 81-82. She’s beautiful, well educated, worldly and had that “it” quality which drew the masses to adore her. She could say diarrhea and people wouldn’t be disgusted because ellen said it in a much more pleasant manner
It doesn’t even matter the exact specifics. This is the dynamic of the Kay’s
She dominated the undominatable Steve
Dolly worshipped her because she was the true socialite extraordinaire
Craig - loved loved loved ellen . He had a not so secret crush. She loved the redskins , and she was the best skier in the family
karen - was the lone family member to id her as a huge problem . She outwardly hated ellen. Ellen worked behind the scenes to destroy her. This would be the recipe for all the Kay’s
Ron come on dude . When some person comes to you with a request for a nose job, facelift , Tummy tuck, liposuction. Has suffered bullying and depression all her life and wants to shed the old exterior self without addressing the interior self. There’s no way you would take her as a client
Amazing piece! Craig is one strong individual and you two have really shed some light on a topic not talked about enough! Stay strong Craig! This is inspiring to so many of us living in similar toxic families
You should have done your research. He is a self delusional narcissist and is not a victim in this story. He just wants to be.
So to further expand upon my undiagnosed mentally ill estranged family as if you all didn’t get enough yesterday
I was contacted by the editor of this fb group that did such an amazing job of capturing my unbelievable story. A story that when examined could have been dealt with properly with upfront , direct communication but unfortunately that ship has sailed .
This poor editor , Carrie Seidman, was attacked by members of my estranged family for publishing something that makes them look bad despite my assertions that it’s all true.
I would be quite ok with having to defend this in court . See the newly established caveat at the top of The page
The issue for my estranged loved ones is that by taking me to court that would open up a can of worms for them during discovery.
At the bottom of the bottom of existence, I finally learned some things . 1. Speak truth to power , 2. Don’t allow them to propagate at will. Call them out . They hate that. 3. Rinse and repeat
Give Carrie a big harumph for doing some seriously good work, I would be so ever grateful .
Carrie your article has put some serious wind in my sail foe the first time in a long time